Beautiful Disaster – Chapter 2 : Pig

Hope there’s lots of bacon in this chapter.

BACON!

Familiar faces filled the seats of our favorite lunch table.

Oh, so this is high school now. Gonna find out about the geeks, the cheerleaders, etc. Sadly, that would be an improvement for this book.

“Hey, Brazil,” Shepley said, greeting the man sitting in front of me.

Hello, poorly named character. Take a seat next to America, please. The guy is a football player which isn’t important probably. Because Travis appears and sends Brazil away. I guess that’s why football players don’t like Travis. Poor manners, Trav. Just let people eat in peace.

“What is that?” I asked, unable to look away from his tray. The mystery food on his plate looked like a wax display.

No bacon, then?

Everybody at the table watches Travis being friendly with Abby. Don’t they have better stuff to do? Like eating?

America reminds Abby about a Bio test they have after lunch. See, high school? Otherwise, why would an Accounting major study Bio? America didn’t study because she had to reassure Shepley that Abby won’t sleep with Travis. Shepley, dude, take a chill pill. Upon hearing this the football players stopped laughing (their obnoxious laughter, not just any kind of laughter) to hear more about Travis’s life. Jizas, you would believe the guy was a freaking rock star, not an underground fighter.

After everyone reassures Shepley that Abby and Travis won’t sleep together (even Travis!), we’re back to our plot. Travis offers to help Abby study because he’s a genius of course.

He quizzed me relentlessly, and then clarified a few things I didn’t understand. In the way that he explained it, the concepts went from being confusing to obvious.

So, how long is a lunch break at Eastern? Somewhere between 3-8 hours? Or was it a quiz from only one lecture? Who cares when you have Travis coming up with female names for cell reproduction phases: Prometa Anatela.

Finally, he walks her to class and we find out that Travis never trains for his fights.

Emma Watson is

And next, we meet Parker, a guy who knows Travis and is in class with Abby. That leads way to another interesting discovery: Travis is in a fraternity. Shocking! And Parker is one of his fraternity brothers. Also, Travis’s alcoholic father and asshole brothers were also in that fraternity.

Abby gets to class and America asks her about Travis and she’s disappointed nothing happened. What the fuck, America? Didn’t you just spend the whole night reassuring Shepley about Travis and Abby? I don’t get these characters.

It had always been a dream of America’s for us to date friends, and roommates-slash-cousins, for her, was hitting the jackpot.

Still doesn’t explain America’s actions. Or does she care more about a stupid dream than about her best friend dating a psycho? Best friend ever.

We don’t get to see the test, but Abby tells us she breezed through it. But America didn’t. What major is America?

One week passes and Travis helps Abby with History and Biology. They await the grades for the Biology test. Well, that seems a lot of time to wait for a grade in college. But maybe that’s how it is in the US. Abby got the third-highest test grade.

He tossed me over his shoulder, making his way through the crowd behind us. “Make way! Move it, people! Let’s make room for this poor woman’s hideously disfigured, ginormous brain! She’s fucking genius!”

mmm eww

I’m quite shocked nobody said “Looked at those fucking idiots!” Also that brain description is horrible. Who says things like that?

As the days went by, we fielded the persistent rumors about a relationship.

Nobody has a life at Eastern, except Travis and Abby of course. Also, I don’t think so much time passed for Abby to get to know Travis better and become defensive of him. But it’s time for another lunch. Travis brings Abby a can of orange juice.

Brazil snorted. “Did she turn you into a cabana boy, Travis? What’s next, fanning her with a palm tree leaf, wearing a Speedo?”

I think someone has issues. Big issues. But Abby jumps to Travis’s defense?

“You couldn’t fill a Speedo, Brazil. Shut the hell up.”

Ha ha. It is supposed to be funny, guys. Laugh! Brazil says he was joking too. The jokes in this book are just so hilarious.

For Travis being defended by a girl is a first, so naturally he leaves the table to smoke and flirt with some girls.

“[…] Everyone thinks he’s this asshole, but if they only knew how much patience he has dealing with every girl that thinks she can tame him… He can’t go anywhere without them bugging him. Trust me; he’s much more polite than I would be.”

Oh, Travis is such a saint. Having to deal with all those women that constantly throw themselves at him, and let them down gently. Or bag them. I feel his pain. Really, is this book written by a woman? How misogynistic is this author to create such a far fetched universe? Sure, there are women that behave like this, but they represent a very small minority. Most women don’t know what to do for guys to leave them alone.

So, Travis decides to bag one of the girls and skip the History class. And Abby is irritated because he missed class, not because he went after another girl. At least, that’s how I read it. So, I suppose Abby isn’t really interested in Travis?

After class, Parker officially introduces himself to Abby because it was time for us to meet another lame character. He congratulates her for her grades and asks if she and Travis are just friends.

“Did he tell you there’s a party at the House this weekend?”
“We mostly talk about Biology and food.”

Uhm, where? The Travis we’ve seen pestered Abby to come to his place, talk about his family, his major, etc. Where did he talk about food? Where’s the bacon, people???

Parker asks Abby to come to the party and she says she has to ask America because they made a pact: “No parties solo”.

His wavy dark-blond hair bounced when he walked.

If you’re a guy and your hair is long enough to bounce when you walk, then you definitely spend too much time styling it.

“Now, he’s more your speed […] In that preppy, missionary-position kind of way.” [Finch]

Finch is gay, I guess. I don’t know though because this book fails to mention a lot of stuff and jumps from one plot to another.

Oh Brother

“Good thing Morgan’s boilers are out. You’ll need a cold shower after getting ogled by that tall drink of water.”

See what I mean? One sentence is all about Parker, then something about some fucking note, then Finch tells her she doesn’t have hot water in the dorm. This in only 7 paragraphs.

Abby returns to the dorm room an it’s time for Kara-the-misunderstood-roommate. Really, I have no clue why America calls her a total bitch when she says America can stay with her boyfriend like usual. Then, America decides that she and Abby are going to stay with Travis and Shep until they fix the boilers. How long could it take to fix some stupid boilers? A couple of hours? A day tops? Welcome, convoluted plot twist #1!

Then, we witness a stupid conversation about where’s Abby going to sleep. And the answer is obvious: Travis’s bed. Abby is like “No way!”

She [America] rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby, Abby. You guys are friends, right? If he hasn’t tried anything by now, I don’t think he will.”

So, if a guy doesn’t stick his dick in you in the next 24 hours after he met you, it’s pretty clear he’s not interested and you can sleep safely in the same bed with him.

Abby has a revelation that maybe Travis isn’t really interested in her and feels insulated. But she doesn’t know why.

“Make sure you pack for a few days; who knows how long it will take them to fix the boilers?” she said, entirely too excited.

I’m guessing between 1 month and 1 year for this plot to work. They’ll probably build a new boiler from scratch because those things aren’t ready-made and can be picked up from stores.

Dread settled over me as if I were about to sneak into enemy territory.

Clearly, that’s the kind of lines I’m looking for in a romance novel. I like to read heroines that feel dread or fear about staying at their love interests’ place.

“Christ, baby! Your suitcase is twenty more pounds than Abby’s!” [Shepley]

Female stereotype #45: women cannot pack lightly. Also, shouldn’t most of America’s stuff be at Shepley anyway as she’s practically living there? Or does she get up earlier everyday to go change in her dorm room?

Leggy brunette from lunch makes a cameo appearance, buttoning her blouse.

Travis rounded the corner in a pair of boxer shorts and yawned. [If he bagged her for so many hours, then I’m quite surprised he’s not snoring already.] He looked at his guest and then patted her backside. “My company’s here. You’d better go.”

And it gets even worse than this because the girl wants to leave her number.

“Eh…don’t worry about it,” Travis said in a casual tone.

*gif* That’s why I laugh when I see “Travis Maddox – best book boyfriend” gifs. And then, America just explodes.

“Every time!” […] “How are you surprised by this? He’s Travis Fucking Maddox! He is famous for this very thing, and every time they’re surprised!”

clarity

True words, America. I think that was the author’s subconscious trying to show how freaking unbelievable this world is where women constantly throw themselves and Travis just to get the “amazing” chance to sleep with him. In the real world, if a guy treated a girl like he just treated the leggy brunette, most women would avoid him.

I didn’t realize Shepley’s apartment was a revolving door for clueless bimbos.

And we’re back to misogyny.

Abby is disgusted with Travis, and he’s like “why?” because he was clear about his intentions, but the girl wasn’t. The whole conversation is just a pretext for us to find out this:

“I bag ’em on the couch. I don’t let them in my room.”

goat stare

Shepley entering the living room when Travis bags someone there

Yeah, because any woman walks in Travis apartment horny as hell and doesn’t stop to think that maybe she wants to see his room. I wonder what Shepley does when Travis is bagging someone on the couch. Sit silently in his bedroom and wait for silence? Or if America’s there, start a moaning competition? How fun it would have been if Abby and America came into the apartment while the leggy brunette was spread-eagled on the couch? Honestly, my theory is that these girls Travis bring into his apartment are actually paid escorts, so he could keep up his alpha male image. Why are escorts walking through a college at lunch? Fuck if I know. Probably, they heard there this guy that earns a lot of money from underground fighting.

Abby goes to take a shower and enjoys the privacy of the bathroom. This until Travis comes in. Oops. He went through her stuff (!!!) and brought some things she might use. Like clothes and a toothbrush, because clearly Abby is an idiot as she forgot these. Then Travis still stays there because he has to brush his teeth. Wait, it’s night already? WTF?

“If you come within two feet of this curtain, I will poke out your eyes while you sleep.”

I’m reconsidering who’s the psycho in this book. Because every good romance book needs a psycho. Oh, who am I kidding. We already know who the psycho is.

The night moisturizer Travis had brought caught my eye, and I couldn’t help but smile.

He is so nice for a guy that goes through your stuff and stalks you. A dream come true.

Abby goes into Travis’s bedroom and is surprised to see it so bare (no pictures of naked women *gasp*). It’s a colorless bedroom: everything is either black, grey or white. And it’s time for another revelation about Travis.

I reached across the bed and pulled open the drawer, finding three pens, a pencil, a tube of K-Y Jelly, and a clear glass bowl overflowing with packages of different brands of condoms. Revolted, I grabbed a pen and shoved the drawer shut.

Honestly, I don’t know any kind of drawers where you could fit in a glass bowl. Also, why isn’t the glass bowl in the living room if Travis bags women only there? I smell a liar.

They study Biology (that extremely important subject for accountants). Finally, they go to sleep. In the same bed, yes.

Next morning, Abby is annoying as usual. America asks her if she missed some sleep last night aka slept with Travis. I half-waiting for Shepley to jump in front of them with a terrified face. But for some reason, America is happy they didn’t.

It’s time for convoluted plot twist #2.

ugh

There’s a date party at the fraternity and Shepley wants to go with America, but she doesn’t want to because she won’t know anyone there and sorority girls are all bitches. But maybe Abby could come with a Travis, but a Travis doesn’t do girlfriends, so maybe with a nice guy. Finally, Travis is like “oh, I could take her.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t do me any favors, Travis.”

Technically he’s doing America a favor. Finally, Abby relents like she’s doing all of them such a big favor. God, I’m hating this character more and more. And that’s how the chapter ends. No bacon.

Sad Baby

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